Hello, again
       I've noticed the word "awkward" is thrown around a lot.  Many times to describe a current situation your in. Let me give you an example, just in case you don't quite understand. 
"So"
"So"
*pause lasting for more than 16 seconds* 
"Well, this is awkward" 
And in reality, it's not actually awkward, it's just the nature of a conversation. But we insist that it is. And we are, we are all awkward. 
I can bet that Barack is even awkward. Because it's natural, I mean if it wasn't for uncomforbility, we all wouldn't be who we are today. And that's something I'd like to discuss, being socially awkward. I myself, am I very shy person. To the point where I've become so shy, I'm  frustrated with the person I am.  But I can't get myself to raise my hand even when I'm the only one in class with the right answer. 
So I become labeled. 
Quiet is often associated with two other personality traits. One being smart --> uptight or another favorite of mine, "strange". And it's funny how the teenage brain works. How people don't realize that I am a completely different person when faced with a different situation. Because the truth is, I've put on a facade for those who don't know me, and then there are those that I'm fine with being naked in front of. (Wait, don't worry you didn't sign up for that type of blog ;)) 
 I still whisper to my mom to ask the waitress for an extra napkin because I can't make myself do it. And no matter how hard I try, it sometimes feels like I will never be able to change. And having that nervous revolving pit in your stomach 24-7  is not as cool as you may think (even though I don't know why you would consider that cool. Unless your into that kind of stuff). 
You know, the worst is having to push your desk out so you can go to the bathroom in the middle of math class. OOF, that's rough. But then while I seep out of the classroom, close the door and breathe for a second  I start to think "no one will remember the squeaky sound of my chair in 1 hour, let alone the next 3 minutes so why do I care so much?" And every time I go down that road it just leads to that weird face I make when I cry, but no physical tears are coming out of my eyes. So I have the resemblance of a llama, 
or a sloth. 
A Slootha. 

I am an oxymoron. 
Because I'm reserved, yet outgoing. 
On stage. 
I am in no way claiming that I am the next  Leonardo but I will say something clicks when I step on the matte flooring of our schools theatre. It's like from here on I am not allowed to be judged. But in reality that's not the case, in reality I'm standing weapon less in a battle field, allowing anyone to fire away. (Applaud for my metaphor, pleases I insist). Because the names will be thrown. None that are worth mentioning, but names nevertheless. Usually it's positive, either a "great job" or "you were awesome" which is really cool but for every 20 nice, there is 1 mean. And let me tell you that 1 mean sucks. Like they Suck-suck. Maybe it was out of anger or jealousy but like seriously. 
Jeez Laweeze. 
Anyways, I really don't know why I started writing this. I just wanted to let anyone who's ever met know, that I'm not the quiet girl who sits in the back of class that you may have come across. Yes, technically that is me but that isn't really me. Which is really weird, because I don't yet know who the "true me" is, and I don't know if I'll ever come across her. Unless when it happens I become super enlightened and filled with this spiritual nirvana stuff. 
 Then I'll know.
 But until then I hope you'll give me another shot, or give yourself another chance to be the person you want to be. And whether that mean trying out for the play, or to stop drinking (because you know it's stupid and it taste horrible but everyone else seems to be doing it).  I assure you we've not all yet transitioned to that stage yet. Just know, you'll never be alone, so please I beg of you just be you, even if it's only for 1 night. I  mean I have my fair share of regrets which are all because I thought hiding that girl with acne and bad eyesight  was necessary. Reading this over, I sound super cheesy but inspirational pep talk usually are. 
And with that, I welcome you to a summer of epic adventure. 
With love, 
     Cameron