Christmas YO

Hello there,
although the holiday of christmas has nothing to do with the wonders of online shopping lets face it- gifts are bound to be exchanged, its simply inevitable.
Now that that is cleared up, i figured it would be a good time to inform all of you of my very own Christmas List.
Why you may ask, why should we care about this silly 16 year olds gifts under the tree? Well Ill tell you!
 You don't care.
But thats okay! Because these gifts do not only apply to me, or to Christmas. There just new items I thought deserved a little shoutout!
On we go!


Item # 1

I have always wanted a camera with high quality to capture candid moments around me. In my schools photography class, kids are given an Olympus Camera. The ones they use are about $2100 and i certainly don't have that money. Instead, I found one on amazon for $499.00. Im still browsing the market but for now this looked like a steal!

Item # 2

Yeezus Sneakers.
Gotta rep our future prez #yo

In all honesty though, these sneakers are BOMB. However, because of Kanyes all star celebrity status, these babies cost up to $2000 dollars. LUCKILY I found a website that makes these shoes, (ahh knockoffs stop your hurting me) that look identical to the real deal!

Yeezus Sneakers

Item # 3

Lacoste Sneakers

Recently the hype has been on Adidas sneakers, and me always finding ways to fight the tidal wave of trends had to be different. Now although the only difference lies in the color of the stripes, i still think these shoes hold a certain foreign-esque, quirky edge. Let us all hail me for starting the 2016 trend

Item # 4

Classic Books!

Jane Austen is one of my all time favorite authors, along with other beautiful women such as Emily Bronte- and of course Charlotte Bronte. There something about a tragic love story that really interest me, or maybe its just me picturing Ian Somerhalder as Darcy ;)

I say this because I usually get my books from the library, but my personal Nancy Drew library has been feeling lonely and is in need of a new friend, a friend made of classics. So my new project is expand my library of only the best classic novels!

Barnes and Noble not only sells relatively cheap classics but they're also sort of beautiful. I want to be able to remember the books that changed me, so why not create a library full of them!

Heres a specific list of books I plan on reading this year!
- The Sun Also Rises by Ernset Hemingway
- Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
- Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbit
- Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
- A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
- Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
- Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
- The Scarlett Letter by Nathanial Hawthorne
- The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
- A Room with a View by E. M. Forester
- Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
- Joy of Cooking by Irma S. Rombauer and Marion Rombauer Becker (its a cookbook)
- Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

Well thats about it folks! I really hoped i sparked your interest in something, whether it be books or sneakers! If not, don't you worry- this will be updated!

Love you lots!

Cam

The Definition of Love, A Farewell Letter to a Star-crossed Lover

i feel like when you find love, this thing that our world constantly projects ... i don't know, I just feel like buildings should shatter and clouds will fall from the sky. Planets will collide into one another and gravity will stop doing its job, to me (I'm hoping) that is what love should feel like.

So long lover boy, thanks for keeping me occupied.

Peace

an abundance of goals

Ciao Ragazzi,
    yes, its been a while since I made an appearance on this small blog, but i have good reason friends. And that reason rhymes with drool (did you guess it yet) SCHOOL. Its been a stressful year, not gonna lie. I decided to take Honors Chemistry. And the more i think about that class the more i start to cry, however Mr. Galatis pretty cool and the labs are kinda awesome. But besides that, its worse than a bad toe stubbing. But forget the pity party, 'tis time to announce the el e p h a n t in the room! New Years! Now personally, you'll find my eyes in the back of my kidney when i hear a famous "New Year new me" monologue from the avid 15 year drinker across the room but i do agree, the new year should bring some sort of closure and shed light to the "fresh year" waiting to be filled with new memories. Let me hit you up with one of my personal favorite inspirational pep talks.
Page 1 of 365. Your turn to write the rest of the book -baby :;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 And its exciting isn't it? Having all this time lined up in front of you, begging you to make something of it. Anyways, here is a list I've composed of some of my own personal goals. Enjoy :)
1. Both my friend and I have decided to be vegan for two month intervals. The reason being is that we are not doing it for the deep love of animal life (ouch sorry pigz of world) but just to give our bodies a cleanse now and then. I am excited. 

2. As cheesy as it may be, i want to be happy. Yes i know, what poor sorrow is a privileged 15 year old girl going through, and honestly I can't tell you exactly what but sometimes this world around me takes a turn on the depressing side and its up to me to flip it back up. 

3. Try harder. At everything, about my dreams, my classes, my relationships. Example: reading is probably one of my favorite things on earth. Yet i claim it is physically impossible to do because Im simply swamped with homework. But deep down, I know if i started homework at 3:30- i could have hours to read. Its extremely frustrating but if you tell me the minute you go home you do homework you are literally lying to my face. Do you want to lie to this face. tell me. do you. yes. no. you decide. lie. you feed me lies.

4. Stay clean. My body, my mind. I also like the word "pure" to describe what I mean. Like my room for example. I know these goals are so lame compared to the grand scheme of the world but i cant help it, these are the things i know will make me happy. wooooooo 

5. Work on my anxiety- this year it has gotten B A D. I mean, if I have someone next to me I know, i am perfect. Boom bam badabing badaboom. But its those times when I'm stranded. That this  unknown heat builds up in my cheeks and I hear my  fastened heartbeat in my ears. Its those times I worry for myself and wonder if this constant nervousness will ever end.

6. Explore, starting with home-- NYC bby. (also S.C, gosh i love S.C)  

So that is it my pupils, my goals for the year to come. I hope i can carry on out till the end, but who knows. Hey and by the end of the year, maybe some of these goals will be checked off. And maybe there will be a couple new ones added! That'd be great. And by writing it I have sealed a contract        



withthedarkllord


no stop it Cami 

with you. Meaning, I must continue on out with this journey to find my nirvana. 

Good bye my lovers, i hope you find your deepest passion this year

With an immense amount of love,
       Cameron
and to the people who poked fun about me wanting to be student of the month for a class i really do enjoy
That was mean.
And made me feel sad. 
which goes against goal 2
which means


you are excommunicated from me! I relieve you of your duty to be my enemy! 

Song of the Month: Robbers, 1975 (I'm late on the bandwagon) 

                                                                                                  

Hello, again
       I've noticed the word "awkward" is thrown around a lot.  Many times to describe a current situation your in. Let me give you an example, just in case you don't quite understand. 
"So"
"So"
*pause lasting for more than 16 seconds* 
"Well, this is awkward" 
And in reality, it's not actually awkward, it's just the nature of a conversation. But we insist that it is. And we are, we are all awkward. 
I can bet that Barack is even awkward. Because it's natural, I mean if it wasn't for uncomforbility, we all wouldn't be who we are today. And that's something I'd like to discuss, being socially awkward. I myself, am I very shy person. To the point where I've become so shy, I'm  frustrated with the person I am.  But I can't get myself to raise my hand even when I'm the only one in class with the right answer. 
So I become labeled. 
Quiet is often associated with two other personality traits. One being smart --> uptight or another favorite of mine, "strange". And it's funny how the teenage brain works. How people don't realize that I am a completely different person when faced with a different situation. Because the truth is, I've put on a facade for those who don't know me, and then there are those that I'm fine with being naked in front of. (Wait, don't worry you didn't sign up for that type of blog ;)) 
 I still whisper to my mom to ask the waitress for an extra napkin because I can't make myself do it. And no matter how hard I try, it sometimes feels like I will never be able to change. And having that nervous revolving pit in your stomach 24-7  is not as cool as you may think (even though I don't know why you would consider that cool. Unless your into that kind of stuff). 
You know, the worst is having to push your desk out so you can go to the bathroom in the middle of math class. OOF, that's rough. But then while I seep out of the classroom, close the door and breathe for a second  I start to think "no one will remember the squeaky sound of my chair in 1 hour, let alone the next 3 minutes so why do I care so much?" And every time I go down that road it just leads to that weird face I make when I cry, but no physical tears are coming out of my eyes. So I have the resemblance of a llama, 
or a sloth. 
A Slootha. 

I am an oxymoron. 
Because I'm reserved, yet outgoing. 
On stage. 
I am in no way claiming that I am the next  Leonardo but I will say something clicks when I step on the matte flooring of our schools theatre. It's like from here on I am not allowed to be judged. But in reality that's not the case, in reality I'm standing weapon less in a battle field, allowing anyone to fire away. (Applaud for my metaphor, pleases I insist). Because the names will be thrown. None that are worth mentioning, but names nevertheless. Usually it's positive, either a "great job" or "you were awesome" which is really cool but for every 20 nice, there is 1 mean. And let me tell you that 1 mean sucks. Like they Suck-suck. Maybe it was out of anger or jealousy but like seriously. 
Jeez Laweeze. 
Anyways, I really don't know why I started writing this. I just wanted to let anyone who's ever met know, that I'm not the quiet girl who sits in the back of class that you may have come across. Yes, technically that is me but that isn't really me. Which is really weird, because I don't yet know who the "true me" is, and I don't know if I'll ever come across her. Unless when it happens I become super enlightened and filled with this spiritual nirvana stuff. 
 Then I'll know.
 But until then I hope you'll give me another shot, or give yourself another chance to be the person you want to be. And whether that mean trying out for the play, or to stop drinking (because you know it's stupid and it taste horrible but everyone else seems to be doing it).  I assure you we've not all yet transitioned to that stage yet. Just know, you'll never be alone, so please I beg of you just be you, even if it's only for 1 night. I  mean I have my fair share of regrets which are all because I thought hiding that girl with acne and bad eyesight  was necessary. Reading this over, I sound super cheesy but inspirational pep talk usually are. 
And with that, I welcome you to a summer of epic adventure. 
With love, 
     Cameron

Hello.
     I'm relatively new to this whole blogging concept, and although it may be hard to believe I myself: the person at this very second typing away, hated blogs.
    What.
Well, it's because I was pretty ignorant towards the idea that people spent days typing their life out when .000001% of the worlds population would read it. But recently, I started to realize how much I love to write. So my thought process went something like this-
"Well I like to write,
I do enjoy the internet.
Blog?".
And in a matter of seconds I found myself typing away in Georgia font, because personally Times New Roman is strictly for school. Anyways, discussing my font preferences isn't what this blog is about, calm down. Today's segment, if you haven't already guessed, is loving as a teenager. And I do not claim to know what love is, I mean who truly does? But I do know a thing about what I like to call "loving from afar" something I, and possibly every teenage boy/girl, have spent a great number of years doing. Now his name was- is
Car.
A code name.  Because let's face it, he's on the top of the social hierarchy while I stand,
In the middle. A moist and uncomfortable area.
And if anyone ever found out that I was obsessed with him, I'd personally douse myself in gasoline and light the match. But thankfully, my three dear friends, which I refer to as "the gang" hadn't opened their mouths, and I certainly wasn't going to so I was in the clear.
I learned something from Car, mainly that, he would never be the one for me. And yes I'm 15, talking about love... but we all know what I'm feeling. We all know the thousands of butterflies that engulf your stomach when looking at the elbow of the person you admire. And it sucks, it really does, but it gave me something to dream about, so- if your reading this Car, thanks.
But it could never work, because he was him, a good looking, muscular, athletic, muscular, confident guy and let's face it..I'm well, not. And I'm fine with me. I love theatre, Claude Monet, and English Youtubers. So why was I so infatuated with him? I still don't know, maybe it was because he was everything I wanted to be. But that's too psychologically twisted to understand. Or maybe, it was his face. Yeah, it was his face.
I mean, no matter what gender or age you are, love will always be complicated. Whether it be a popularity issue (me), or your confused yourself. Anyways, the point of the post was just to say hi, and tell you about something that consumed me this whole year. Maybe this was my "letting go serum" or maybe I'll spend tomorrow deciding what I'll wear when I see him at the Earth Science Regents :)
       With love
               Cameron.